-         What causes problems with attachment?

-         Case studies & lessons learnt

-         Parenting a child with attachment issues

-         Homeopathic remedies

-         Outside influences

-         A holistic approach 

-         Attachment disorder

-         Benefits of Homeopathy

-         Conclusion

What is attachment ?

“Attachment” is understood to be the complex two-way process by which children become emotionally linked to others in their immediate family network.

The resulting bonds are most frequently strongest between the mother (as “primary care-giver”) and child; then in decreasing order of intensity, with the other parent, siblings and any “significant others” such as grandparents.

 What causes problems with attachment?

Since healthy attachments occur as a result of the child having their physical and emotional needs met consistently, problems arise when this sense of security and stability is jeopardised by neglectful, traumatic and / or abusive care. Recent advances in our understanding of the neurosciences have highlighted how the brain’s “wiring” evolves at key developmental stages and in turn goes on to influence our subsequent development. This explains how the traumatised child’s ability to form positive, mutually supportive relationships in later life becomes impaired due to a precarious sense of their own identity and low self esteem.

Unfortunately, although this makes it possible to diagnose (reactive) attachment disorder (RAD), there is still considerable disagreement about what this entails and how such children and their families can best be helped.

Case Studies & Lessons learnt

After 2 years working with PACT using homeopathy to support adoptive families facing these dilemmas, the biggest surprise for me has been the significant number of families as well as individual adults that I see in private practice, who also contend with issues stemming from attachment disorders. This has taught me that:

a)     When problems arise, they do so not as a result of a single family event / trauma (divorce, ill health, unemployment, bereavement etc); but rather as a result of a complex interplay between different factors

 b)     Although the timing, duration and intensity of events, plays a part; it is the context – the child’s temperament and the sense that he or she makes of the events, that determine to what degree they are able to survive adversity, without developing behavioural disorders.

Parenting a child with attachment issues

I am only too aware of the self-doubt that is associated with parenting and the additional stresses associated with caring for children with attachment problems. A key issue, that is frequently overlooked, is that parents tend to assume too great a degree of responsibility for problems within the family’s dynamics. When in truth all children, far from being passive recipients of parenting, are born with temperaments that will make it easier or harder for adults to meet their needs.

For example;

A child who is temperamentally fragile for instance, is more likely to:

-         get easily upset / react very strongly to minor things and be difficult to soothe

-         sleep badly and have irregular body rhythms

-         dislike change and take time to become used to new situations

-         be a fussy, difficult feeder

-         be very demanding

-         often have low self-esteem

Homeopathic remedies for “fussy” temperaments

Homeopaths recognise the description above as the profile of the remedy Calcium-carbonicum, which can be prescribed to produce long-lasting and deep-acting results at each major stage of life, from infancy through to old age.

Most of the problems stem from their passivity. They may be too open to influences from their surroundings, too easily affected, hypersensitive or too armoured and isolated in order to compensate for their lack of ability to meet a challenge by initiative - thus becoming stubborn and obstinate. Physiologically that same defencelessness and failure of adaptability and of meeting challenges, we find as hypersensitivity to rough weather, coldness, dampness and the lack of stamina and endurance

After taking the remedy however, we would expect to see their more positive qualities emerge, in the same way that a pearl can be found in the oyster shell from which the remedy is made. They are slow, but patient and conscientious workers; excellent team players because they are not competitive or ambitious and they make loyal and reliable partners. Therefore, one dose of Calc-carb or a related remedy at times of transition, whether teething or starting / changing school, can break negative cycles of interactions where the parent’s alienation at their child’s whining and fretfulness paradoxically causes such behaviours to intensify.

Outside influences

Whilst the majority of children are amazingly resilient, it is important for families to be aware of the issues that can influence outcomes for better or worse. These can be summarised as the 4 P’s: Protective; Predisposing; Precipitating and Perpetuating factors. So, for instance, one sibling may be buffered from the effect of a traumatic experience by their laid-back nature, age and the support of key adults; whilst another sibling, already “a worrier”, blames themselves for causing the misfortune. It is believed that each of us has a similar repertoire of behaviours founded on experience and an internal sense (not necessarily accurate) of what will relieve our distress.

So I hope that from this article, families will be able to recognise their particular strengths and celebrate being “good enough”; before turning to look for practical strategies, such as the role that homeopathy can play, in reducing specific concerns.

A holistic approach

It is crucial to consider the whole picture before deciding where the most effective interventions can be targeted. Homeopathy offers a holistic approach that allows apparently disparate issues to be treated simultaneously. Parents for instance may be concerned about a physical complaint such as their child’s constipation, whereas he / she is more distressed by difficulties at school. Yet it is surprising how often these two issues prove to be united by a common thread (in this case potential problems with physical and intellectual assimilation) and therefore respond to one well-chosen remedy.

Attachment disorder

This diagnosis actually refers to 2 distinct sets of behaviour: “inhibited and emotionally withdrawn” or “disinhibited and indiscriminate”, that are rooted in grossly negligent or seriously inconsistent care and /or other chronically or neglectful or abusive experiences occurring in infancy.

Conventional approaches often struggle to match the diagnosis with appropriate interventions because of a confusing overlap between the symptoms for instance of ADHD, conduct disorders and personality problems; as well as the secondary problems with learning that are likely to follow. Homeopathic treatment however has the advantage of being able to track a child’s individual responses over time and support them through the grief, denial, anger and despair that accompanies their quest to answer the unanswerable: “what is it about me that is so flawed that my own parents found me unlovable?” – and therefore: “should I ever have been born?” and “who else could ever be expected to care for me?”

For children who “act out”, there are a range of remedies capable of matching their potentially murderous rage alternating with depression and self-harming behaviours. For those who survived by “vacating the premises”, we have remedies for drug-like out of body states and post-traumatic shock, that over time coax the children back into a safer reality. For those readers who are aware that remedies take on the characteristics of the material that they are derived from, it will come as no surprise that there is a whole family made from the milk of different mammals, that have the capacity to re-nurture at a profound level. Adults who have taken them not only resolve addictive behaviours, but develop a compassion towards themselves which forms the foundation for much healthier relationships.

Homeopathy also works well alongside other therapies that help for instance to redress sensory processing disorders and for some, has been equally effective as Ritalin-type medication, but without the side effects. Our fundamental premise is that there is a natural pull towards health, so difficulties can only occur when we become “stuck”: either because we are unaware that there are alternative ways of responding, or the pattern of behaviour no longer produces the results we need. The fact that balance can be restored at a totally unconscious level, makes homeopathy eminently suitable for those too young or otherwise incapable of articulating their distress. It is also empowering and therefore supports features that build on a child’s innate resilience, helping them cope with life stresses and find meaning in their past.

Benefits of Homeopathy

Some of the many changes reported by parents, siblings and school / nursery following homeopathic treatment include:

• positive attitude, problem-solving approach (less self-blame / loathing)
• sense of humour
• faith - that everything has a purpose and will turn out alright
• capacity to reflect
• does endearing things that make people like her/him
• is willing to try new things
• takes pride in achievements e.g. rather than spoiling their work
• feels that what she/he does makes a difference in how things come out
• likes himself / herself
• can make plans and focus long enough to follow them through
• shows generosity and is sensitive to the needs of others

Conclusion

Of course, being children, this is a work in progress and there are still episodes where the same child “totally loses the plot”. Such incidents however become less frequent, less intense and of shorter duration. There are also inevitably children for whom treatment has been too little, too late or outweighed by other adverse circumstances. It is important however to recognise that where such complex difficulties exist, no one intervention will succeed in isolation so inter-agency collaboration is crucial. In the meantime, homeopathic support for parents and siblings helps keep alive the light at the end of the tunnel, until the healing process can outweigh the child’s hurts.

If you have used homeopathy or other complementary therapies to support your family and would be willing to share your experience, please email me: chris.hmatters@tiscali.co.uk