Adopters Story
Dawn and Paul chose to adopt when they couldn’t have children naturally and are now proud parents to two boys (aged five and ten) and live in Surrey.
They first adopted James in 2003 when he was two years and six months old.
Five years later they discussed adoption again, and this time took on Michael who was three year old and had developmental delay. This meant that Michael’s speech was slower to develop than other children of his age. This can be quite common among children who are waiting to be adopted. But with the right love, care and attention, Michael’s speech has improved hugely and the developmental delay is barely noticeable.
Some people worry that they are too old to adopt, but it hasn’t been a barrier for Dawn and Paul who were both in their forties when they came to adopt Michael.
Dawn and Paul have been supported on their journey to become adoption parents by Verna Casey, PACT's London Practice Manager (previously an adoption social worker with the Childlink Adoption Society which merged with PACT in 2010).
They have known Verna for almost 10 years. Dawn explains, “We have found the support we received outstanding from Verna. We felt very comfortable from early on, and that we could speak to Verna about anything. As the boys grow older and ask questions about being adopted, it’s great to know that PACT and Verna are around to help with any concerns or advice.”
Becoming approved to adopt takes around eight months which for Dawn and Paul was a reasonable timescale.
“The adoption process seemed daunting before we started it. But in fact it was Ok. We found the preparation classes and meetings with Verna as our social worker, really interesting and it gave us the time and the opportunity to think about ourselves, and the kinds of situations and lifestyle that the children taken into care have been through. We took time to work out what we felt we could offer to a child.
“The adoption approval and then having James placed with us went quickly for us considering the years the IVF treatment had taken. It also helped us build a relationship with Verna that now means we feel able and happy to contact her should we feel we need advice or support.
Dawn explains what it can be like adopting children over 18 months old.
“Because we adopted the boys as young children, but not from birth, they already had their own preferences and routines. They liked things done in a certain way. This means that as parents we had to be flexible in the way we did things and it may not have been the way that we would have done things with birth children.
“I think this is the same for the boys, no matter how much preparation for adoption they had had in foster care, just simple things like cooking differently was noticed by the boys.”
Nowadays all adopted children are told about their birth families and many will have updates via letter and even visit their birth siblings. This meant a confusing and difficult time for James when Dawn and Paul adopted Michael, who isn’t related by birth to James.
“It was hard for James when we adopted for a second time. During the introductions with Michael, James didn’t like visiting the foster carers house. It made him think about his own brothers and sisters who live with his birth mother and James wanted to know why we couldn’t adopt them as well.”
Since Michael’s adoption order went through in February 2010, the four have bonded and settled into a very happy family unit.
Dawn explains, “Just becoming a family and doing things as a family after many years of waiting for that to happen has been wonderful.
“The achievements they have both made which may seem small to others but considering how they were when they were first placed with us the uncertainty about future development was unknown, they have come on amazingly.
“They are both doing really well. Michael’s speech has really come on. When he was first placed with us we had to teach him to sign to make himself understood, now most people can understand him when he is talking. James loves his sport and recently after his swimming teacher recommended it he has now joined a swimming club. They are both popular boys at school and James is very easy going and sociable.”