Given the underlying drive to answer 4 questions about themselves:

*Who am I? * Where do I belong? * What can I do or be? * What do I believe in?

The process of forming an identity is all consuming in adolescence. Add to this equation the dynamics in adoptive families, then opting for additional support during this transition makes perfect sense. So it is equally valid for parents to look for ways to restore themselves, whether this involves checking out symptoms of “middle age” wear and tear, or finding healthier solutions to meeting emotional needs. Having been “bottom of the list” for so long however, this realisation in itself can initially be quite daunting; which means that the holistic approach offered by homeopathy can be very helpful in broaching concerns that conventional routes either cannot or do not address.

As for working with even the most uncooperative teenager, my experience has repeatedly shown that they often relish the opportunity to take stock with an adult outside their immediate family; especially when the payoff is a clear improvement in practical problems such as exam nerves (see May article), or in appearance (skin conditions such as acne normally respond promptly to homeopathy). Ironically, many of the same fears and worries that surfaced initially during preschool, return again to preoccupy the adolescent; compounded by the same tendency towards egocentric, magical thinking. Yet with its focus on restoring balance by exploring which strategies are no longer relevant, homeopathy is ideally suited to helping teenagers explore their expanding horizon, whilst bypassing their extreme either/or thinking. In exactly the same way, parents too can be helped to avoid the confrontational responses they may well have experienced in their own teens (“not while you’re under my roof…”). There is even an educative element, when both can be reassured that as the process of becoming independent, young people will automatically identify more with their peers.

Case 1

According to her parents, Leah is “going off the rails”. Although initially enjoying secondary school, she now “can’t be bothered” and has started truanting and shoplifting with a new group of “unsuitable friends”. Her grades are suffering and teachers feel she has exhausted their support strategies. She is a “drama queen” on the rare occasions when she is at home, upsetting her sisters with her moods and demands. Only 14, she is now talking of going on the pill.

Although the details themselves are obviously cause for concern, the very nature of case taking in homeopathy allows both practitioner and patients (ie both young person, their parents and often their siblings) to reach a detailed understanding of the real nature of the concerns, rather than simply being distracted by the characteristic symptoms of hormonal shifts. As with detective work, in order to prescribe on what is unique to the situation, I explore the MO (modus operandi): in this case, is Leah drawn to take risks because of a low boredom threshold, desire to shock, an unconscious drive to self-sabotage, peer pressure, fear of not fitting in? Each potential response indicates a specific family of remedies, which helps to narrow down to the specific required at any one time. Eliciting this “story” is often as revealing to the patient as for their family, helping engage everyone in the desire for a positive outcome. Whether the change in dynamics follows this realisation automatically, with the homeopathic remedies simply the icing on the cake; or whether the remedies actually facilitate the shift is of secondary importance to the basic fact that a potential impasse has been resolved.

Case 2

Jack and his mother are extremely concerned about the increasing severity of his violent outbursts. He recently needed an appointment at A+E, having damaged his hand punching a wall at home, but never has problems at school and is very popular / has many “nice” friends. He has already had  “run-ins” with his father who also has a short fuse and his mother fears that he will lose control and lash at out her. Both parents want “an easy life” after bringing up 3 older children

Adolescents have abundant sexual and aggressive impulses that adults need to help them separate and cope with in socially acceptable ways. As part of their drive towards independence, they will invariably be provocative by challenging family rules, values and expectations; but in a typically contradictory fashion, also have a strong need to belong in a family and be taken seriously. Jack’s “story” caused me concern because his father’s response to conflict was to escalate the situation by dismissing him as “a waste of space” and pointing out that unlike his older siblings he had “always been trouble” (problems sleeping / feeding as a baby). Over the years Jack had also learned to play his parents off against each other, but equally feared that this pressure was making his mother ill.

Perhaps controversially, I decided to prescribe remedies for Jack’s parents: to increase his father’s own confidence and therefore help him not to take Jack’s posturing literally by responding in kind; and to help his mother assert her own needs rather than be “pig in the middle”. This diverted Jack’s energy back to taking responsibility for his own actions, rather than trying to prove how little control his parents could exert over him. My assessment was that Jack’s rebelliousness would settle once his parents could set consistent boundaries, therefore the most energy effective intervention would be to use homeopathy to support them. This fits with the growing recognition, encapsulated by Steve Biddulph in Raising Boys, that as a society we need to acknowledge that boys have different needs and express these differently than girls (often via “acting out behaviours”); so we need to be proactive in devising strategies to ensure they become happy and well-balanced men. There is absolutely no criticism of parenting behaviour, rather an acknowledgement that whilst we all do the best we can at a given time, towards the end of the marathon that is child rearing, any extra support is well-deserved!

* names and circumstances changed to protect confidentiality