Ellie* and Andrea* adopted three children through PACT; two brothers and a sister. Their children came home to them in the summer of 2021 when they were aged one, two and four years old.
Andrea and Ellie said adoption was always their first choice as a path to parenthood: “We never considered any other route to growing our family. Of course, as a same sex couple our options were reduced anyway, but adoption was our natural choice!”
The couple chose to adopt through PACT after doing lots of research. They attended information evenings with other agencies and their local authority but decided PACT was the best fit for them. “Following a very informative information event (featuring an adoptive family of three incidentally), an excellent track record with LGBTQ adopters, an outstanding Ofsted rating and excellent post adoption support, we decided to proceed with PACT.”
Once they had chosen PACT, they continued their journey through the various stages of the adoption process: this involved checks, references and training during stage one, a more in depth assessment, further training and panel during stage two, and then on to the family finding process.
Reflecting back on the process, Ellie and Andrea said: “While stage one and stage two were not without their challenges, we appreciated the need for such thorough information gathering and checks; it was family finding that we found the most challenging and emotionally draining. We had an excellent relationship with our PACT social worker, who remained with us for the duration of the process, which undoubtedly made the process easier.”
The couple were unfortunate to experience two failed links during family finding due to errors of the children’s social workers, which is extremely unusual. They found this to be a challenging time but were finally matched with a group of three siblings. They were then able to meet them for the first time at a ‘bump into meeting’ in a nearby park; they found this meeting “invaluable” and said the experience was “surreal; terrifying and beautiful.”
It not only confirmed to us that these were our children, it made approval panel infinitely easier – previously, we had rehearsed answers; using ‘buzz words’ and terminology we thought people would want to hear. Meeting the children brought everything into context, and we were able to answer in a heartfelt, honest way, which would have been impossible had we not had that half an hour in a sunny park.”
Following this first meeting, the match was approved and Andrea and Ellie began the process of introductions with their children. They said: “We will always look back on our period of introductions as one of the happiest times of our lives. I have honestly never been more terrified than the morning we rang the doorbell of the foster carers for the first time, but all of the worries and fear we had melted away within moments.”
When the children moved in with them, it was a big change for all of them but they quickly settled into life as a family of five. Andrea and Ellie said: “The first night was very strange, we woke up at various intervals with the shock realisation that there were three small strangers in our house, who we are responsible for for the rest of our natural lives!”
“However, it was strange how quickly we acclimatised: people comment, ‘Wow – three all at once, how do you do it?’ Well, truthfully, we know no different – our lives are full and busy. Our house is loud and we’ll never have a spare bedroom or an empty washing machine ever again!”
The couple said there have been so many highlights since they grew their family:
“On the day the children moved in, we celebrated our first family day, with a red velvet cake, singing ‘happy family day to us’ to the tune of happy birthday. To mark our first year together we were granted special permission to have the day off school to celebrate. We spent the day swimming in the river and playing in the sunshine, before heading to a local Italian restaurant, ending our meal with red velvet cake and a round of ‘happy family day…’ which made our hearts swell with joy, and will be a tradition forever more.”
“The arrival of adoption certificates, passports and our own name change was also a very special moment, solidifying our family unit.”
To anyone considering adopting siblings, Ellie and Andrea say there are lots of benefits:
“They always have playmates and we have the large family we dreamt of. But, undoubtedly, the most important aspect is that they have each other. These little people have experienced so much uncertainty and change in their short lives, the only consistent factor has been their brothers and sisters – and this is something we were determined to protect.“
“Whilst there are the obvious sibling disagreements and fallings out, there is also lots of love and laughter. They adore each other and miss each other during the day when they are in school and nursery.”
“Juggling work and parenting three adopted children is hard, but we are not superheroes, far from it! With good routines and structure, it is eminently manageable and enjoyable!“
As we say to the children daily, we may not always have enough arms/hands/laps… but there is always enough love and that is what counts.”
*Names changed in line with confidentiality
Help more families like Ellie and Andrea’s
With your support, we can continue to provide vital services to adoptive families, women facing multiple disadvantages and children affected by domestic abuse
